Monday blues

You know the dreading feeling of dragging yourself to work every monday, and even in office your engine don't seem to be starting fast enough, well there is a term for this and its commonly known as Monday blues. This is a very normal feeling, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having this feeling because most, if not all, people will suffer from it at some point of time in their career.

But having said that, the situation gets serious when you dread going to work on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday as well. You feel totally stressed out and can't wait for the next big holiday, only to realise that you are already out of school, and there is no such thing as a big break anymore. Goodbye to month long June holidays, farewell to frosty more-than-30-days December breaks; and hello to short weekend breaks and occasional long weekends. Now, this is not healthy. Because it is a tell tale sign that you don't really like what you are doing. You have to pull out all the energy in you at work and the only time when you are energetic is after work. You have so many deallines and targets to meet but you have totally no idea how to achieve them and you feel as lost as the survivors in the hit drama 'Lost' and as helpless as a naked man stranded on some pacific island waiting to be part of some ritual before being eaten raw by the tribal carnivores.

And that is exactly how I am feeling now. I am totally lost at work, I have no idea what I can do, and I am feeling pretty stressed out. This is all deep inside me, on the outside I may seem all happy-go-lucky, but I'm really feeling all fucked up inside. And the fact that I'm working for my uncle really hammers the nail onto the coffin. I've said this before, that I don't like working for my relative and this is the exact reason why. I know that I will have this kind of pressure to do extra well in my job, and I really cannot allow any room for failure. And now that I've hit some stones along the way, and I don't see success any where near, it seems to me that I am becoming a liability in office. And I hate that. Already I hate to be a liability in any office, and its much worse when the office belongs to someone so close to you. I've been told that I am still some distance from my target this month, but I don't know what I can do to push up the sales. I mean I can aproach my customers to talk to them about the product and hope they will buy stuff. I can't possibly put them at knief point and force them to buy correct? And the worst part of it are all the issues that come with the sales. Urgent orders, order cancellations, earlier lead time, some of the time line that they give us are simply impossible to meet. Just this morning, my CS told me to leave the commitment of delivery to her because I gave an earlier date of delivery, and she told me that we will need to rush out the part and we should have buffered another week instead. Aiya, I already buffer 1 week already. And anyway its only 1 reel of good, how long do you want to take to check the part. Customer needs the part urgently, there is no reason why I can't expedite the part to them. And then it was the target news. My supervisor told me that for this month my sales is only $15k so far, and she wants me to hit at least 50k at the end of the month. And before I can even sit down to think of how I can achieve this target, news number 3 comes in when another colleague comes over to ask me why I am sitting on a case. Because the customer needs the part urgently we have to try to pull in for them, and also because she had helped to secure this deal for me. In fact she did everything for me in the deal, and all I needed to do was to followup. So I was told off by her becuase she thinks that I am sitting on the case and not doing anything. But I have so much on my mind. Arghhhh..... I really need some time out, and sometimes I am crying inside of me. The body wants to continue but the soul is weak, very very weak now. Oh god, please give me some indication of what I should do. Haiz.