Maybe its better to keep things the way they were

Sometimes I am wondering, maybe it would be better if we keep things as they were and no try to move things onto the next level. Maybe I am not suitable to be with someone. And maybe I should just stay single all my life.

Those who know me well enough, do know that I am sort of together with a girl now, well is complicated. Till not she doesn't want to commit to the relationship, after like 3-4 mths. Initially, the first time I asked her was through sms (yes, I know its not the most romantic way), but actually it was not really asking her to be my girlfriend, that was more of asking if I stood a chance. So came along the official sms (hahaha), to ask her, and she said no. Because she said that sms is insincere, and that she was unsure about me and all. Ok, point taken. So we continue our ambigious relationship for awhile more, with all my friends asking if we are actually 'together'. A lot of times I am lost for words to tell them, I can only say 'its complicated'. Well its been complicated for so long now, so last week when we met I asked her again, it was more romantic this time, we were at West Coast Beach at night, sitting on the benches and I asked her again to be my girlfriend. And she said 'no' again. Ok, all confused again we went home after that. The next day she sms me to tell me,"I said no not because I don't like you, I don't want you to think that I am still choosing between others, in case you think that way. But I am not sure what kind of bf you will be. Sometimes you can mia during the weekdays, and only exist on the weekends. I don't want to choose so long and in the end choose someone who don't care for me" (something along that line, I can't rem the exact words). Ok, now then... I know that I don'y meet her every other day, but thats because I have a very tight schedule during the weekdays. I have Jap classes on Mondays and Wednesdays nights. Tuesday evenings are for my jogging session (by the way, I have asked her if she wants to join me, and I ca drive her back afterwards, she don't want). Thursday night is the only other night that is free, which I leave for my grandma most of the time, because sometimes I really don't have time to go down to visit her, so at least I still have a day for her. So Fridays and Saturdays are kept for her, but Saturday nights are sometimes also friends drinking days, but I do bring her along. Sunday is generally family day, either that or its JB day. Neither do I sms her everyday, or call her everyday. But seriously people who know me, do know that I do not like to call other people (I love receiving calls though). That is why, all the while my phone bill always shows my incoming more than 10x my outgoing. Thats the way I am, its a habit difficult to change. To once in a while sms someone to ask them what they are doing, or just to say I miss you. This is just not my style. Ok, nevermind, for the sake of those who like this I told myself that I will send her some sms every now and then. So that she will know that I am available during the weekdays as well. And to make my presence felt and let her know that I care for her. So while I was waiting for my class to start on Monday night, I thought that I would sms her to ask her how's her day, whether she has reached home already and all that. And her reply,"Busy day, genuinely busy. R u trying hard not to appear mia huh? lol". Now, when I saw this sms I was actually a little pissed. But being genetleman, I let it go and continued to reply her sms jokingly. So the next day I thought that I will not sms her, else later she thinks that I am trying again. But in the end I still gave in. After my jog, I sms her to ask her if she's at home, and to tell her that I had to meet my supplier afterwards. And she replied:"Yup, I just reached home. My poor darling still have to collect stuff, but I'm happy when you have to do extra stuff... lol.. p/s: my dear is in the 2nd day of trying hard not to appear mia to me." Okie, I really couldn't care less, I just replied that I had to take some samples to pass to customer the next day. Didn't even bother to explain anything. I mean, come on lah, sometimes its pretty irritating to see that your efforts are not recognised whether its at work or for other stuff. I can take sarcasm , we can suan each other. But we should know when we are serious when we are not. So is she implying that my sms are too fake, don't sound sincere enough.

So sometimes I really don't know what I should do, should I continue or just let go. When I don't sms or call, she says that I mia from her life, and when I do, she says that the sms are very fake. So what do you want. We have been in this complicated relationship for 3-4 mths and I think its about time to draw up a fullstop. Whether or not we should continue with this. I don't see a point if we keep delaying the whole issue. Is she unsure of me or is she unsure of herself, I don't know. Haiz, going by my past practices (on other issues), at most I will give it another shot, if after doing everything and there doesn't seem to be light at the end of the tunnel, then just drop, and get on with life.